Keeping Portland Weird

These goons. On this same day (yesterday) Stephen asks Suzanne to marry her. She says afterward, "I'm going to marry you, but I tell you that all the time." He says, "I called your bluff."

The world's largest third wheel.

"I'm engaged. I think I've opened up a whole new pandora's box of jokes."
-S. Wicks, 2011.

Ode to Rap (By Matthew Bernstein-8th Grade)

Rap music you are magnificent
A golden light from the firmament
With beat of perfect measurement
And words so eloquent
Not like a jingle in an advertisement
But a love-letter sent
Using voice as solo instrument
The best accompaniment
Like a burger and a condiment
I relish each ingredient
Rap you are my nourishment

It is no accident
Rap is often irreverent
Expressing life's discontent
Rolling waves so turbulent
Like from a volano's vent
It washes over me my enlightenment
And with child-like wonderment
Unravel each red-wrapped argument
? tied in knots of puzzlement
? decipher what is meant

And all my money will be spent
On rap with names like T.I., Jay-Z and 50-Cent
Without rap life loses its merriment
Rap music is my one true enjoyment

On the wall of a record store. Portland, Oregon.

At the Capers Community Market

At the table next to me two mothers are chatting over lunch about the lack of private schools in this neighbourhood. The one is “frankly shocked” about it. Wherever she had grown up, apparently, there were far more private schools; she says, “it just wasn’t a problem there”. Meanwhile her daughter has begun crying at the pigeon near to their table full of food; she is not, however, shedding any tears. Another daughter, who, according to her mother is “eating too many blueberries,” spits on the pigeon. This goes unnoticed.

A third daughter, clearly belonging to the mother nearest me, gathers away her family’s garbage. Her toe and fingernails match her blue eyes perfectly.

When the youngest girl’s crying grows no longer ignorable, the mothers faintly acknowledge her worry by telling stories about birds. One mother mentions a swarmed picnic once. The crying girl offers her own story about the time at the beach house when she dropped some groceries and a bird got them. The girl appears clearly traumatized. The pigeon wanders around the table.

As the pigeon approaches the middle child, she takes a large swig of chocolate milk so that she can make one ultimate spit onto the pigeon’s back. Organic milk and salvia go flying. This time though, the mother does notice. The girl gets in trouble. Lunch is over.

Pt. 4 (Things Brother Will Says)

"I did a speech on rocks that mom wrote once, and it was really interesting. I learned a lot from that speech." -W. Kane, 2011

Keep Swinging

Let's imagine a playground and you're there but you don't want to be. You're too old for a playground or something and so it feels bad being there. Or you fell off a teeter-totter when you were a kid and had to get stitches and you've hated playgrounds ever since. You can even make up your own reason for not liking playgrounds. The main idea is that in this imaginary situation you hate playgrounds. Screw that swing-set. Goddamn those monkey bars. The playground is shitty and it all sucks. But you're there, for whatever reason. Maybe because you're waiting. Maybe because it feels like you have to be. I don't know why you're at the playground if you don't want to be, but the point is that you are. If someone were to text you and ask you where you were at and what you were doing you might reply "I'm at the playground". I don't know who you are but you might be the type of person who would include a "fml" or maybe a "get me out of here". But either way you'd express that you weren't happy with where you are. But the idea is that you're stuck. This is imaginary so even though it seems highly unlikely that you'd get stuck at a playground I'm just going to let it be. We're pretending. My point is obvious and it's this: Play on the goddamn monkey bars anyway and stop cursing the swing set.

Pt. 3

"My mind blows my mind."
-W.Kane, 2011

Pt. 2

"There's only two ways it could go: really bad or, fuck, I don't even know ... worse."
-W.Kane, 2011

Things Will Says Pt. 1

"You gotta know your character. Know it. Him, her, whatever it is. It could be an inanimate object like a spoon. Like a spoon on a mission." 
-W. Kane, 2011